I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
