2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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