Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
