so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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