Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
