god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Are my feet made of real feet?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
