There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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