Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
