i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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