therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
