3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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