Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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