I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
