D3 body, D1 cock
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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