And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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