I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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