I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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