U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
