i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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