Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
