I heard we made out
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
