Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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