My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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