So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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