Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
