also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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