i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
A bitchslap is in order.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
