I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
COCAINE IS GR8
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
