she kept yelling 'call me bella'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He did a backflip because drugs
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
