margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
