Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
