Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
