Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
