i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
