so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
