Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
