You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
