I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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