Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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