Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
