So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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