Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
