The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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