Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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