I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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