Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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