1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
