my mouth tastes like poor choices
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
