I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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