Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
