I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
