remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
