Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
