I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
