): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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