omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
