if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
