My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
