apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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